Pregnancy Conversations You Need to Have With Your Partner
First off, you’re pregnant, congratulations! This is an exciting time, one that is unique, life-changing, and it will undoubtedly bring you and your partner closer together. Celebrate, share with family and friends, and remember to enjoy this period as much as possible.
And now for the but (you knew it was coming!). There are certain discussions that many parents choose to ignore, leaving them for a tomorrow that never comes, and they end up becoming major elephants in the room.
Avoid the ostrich route and instead tackle these discussions head-on. It’s important that you and your partner carefully consider where you stand, how you can come to a compromise on certain issues, and what is expected both during and after the pregnancy.
Your Mental Health is Important
Being pregnant is an exciting time in a mum’s life. But most people think this is the only possible mode. That generalization often leaves women feeling ashamed of other feelings they may go through: melancholy, confusion, heightened levels of anxiety, and an seemingly inexplicable sadness.
It’s key that in the first instance, you and your partner acknowledge that mental wellbeing is important (for both parents!). We are increasingly aware of postnatal depression and its symptoms, but similar experiences during pregnancy are also very much a possibility.
Discuss what you may experience, what potential treatment avenues exist, and use government help where available. Do not ignore symptoms, nor should you feel guilty about your mental health.
Be on the Same Page with Social Media
Sigh, social media. Most of us have a love/hate relationship with it. And even though it’s perhaps a little bit cringe that we have to conduct these discussions, they’re important.
You need to be on the same page with your partner when it comes to sharing baby news, photos, videos, and anything else on social media. Whether it’s Instragram, Facebook, TikTok, or anything else, have clear rules about what you would be comfortable with (on both sides!). Come to a compromise, but stand firm on the non-negotiable.
Remember that it also goes beyond what you would want your friends and family to see. For example, you may think you own the Instagram photos you post to your account, but the truth is a little murkier. Be mindful of your rights when sharing online.
Don’t Ignore Personal Time
Parent burnout is a real thing. And it’s going to hit both of you, hard. Even though there is no real way to really prepare you for what’s coming, it’s important that you have these discussions.
First, commit to the idea that personal time is a crucial component of wellbeing. It’s going to be tricky to make it happen, but if both parents are on board, it is possible to set aside time for each individual.
For example, permanently marking an evening on the calendar to catch up with friends. Schedule a guilt-free trip to the movies. Going to work should not be your only child-free time. It’s a guaranteed path to frustration and burnout!
Parenting Style
Good news: people tend to get together with those that overlap many of their interests and overall moral framework. Not-so-good-news: you won’t agree on everything.
Some parents believe in a free-range ‘let them discover’ approach. Others adhere to the idea that strict rules give kids the structure they need. Some swear by the thought that screen time is a big no-no, while others don’t want their kids getting involved in certain ‘violent’ sports.
It will not be possible to consider every eventuality, but try and figure out what kind of parent you both want to be. If you clash from the get-go, it will be tricky to fix as you go along.
What About Your Career?
We’ve come a long way, but the truth is moms are still expected to be carer #1 in most cases. Partly because of this, women will make adjustments to their job for the benefit of family life.
The frustrating fact is that labor force trends still reflect ‘traditional’ gender roles, to put it politely. Women tend to spend more time on housework (almost double on average!) and childcare, even when they are also in employment.
This is a key conversation you must have with your partner. What will you do about childcare? Discuss household chores and make it clear they will be distributed fairly. Both parents will need to make adjustments and sacrifices, but women should not be expected to do all of it by default.
There is No ‘Right Way’
Parents will often mount unfair pressure on themselves to do everything correctly. But here’s a comforting truth: there is no single ‘right way’. That’s the beauty, and perhaps the scary thing, about parenting.
You will need to work out the best way to navigate the challenges of parenthood with your partner. Discussing what you feel openly and without judgment will help mutual understanding, and coming to an agreement for the benefit of your wee family.
